Fair Fighting Rules: handle disagreements without damaging the relationship
Reviewed By
Donna Bottomley - Psychotherapist, MBABCP accredited, 10+ years in CBT and EMDR
Disagreements are a normal part of all relationships, how you handle them makes all the difference. Fair fighting rules are simple guidelines that help keep conflicts respectful, productive, and less painful.
Free to try · Responses are private & encrypted
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What does the Fair Fighting Rules Mini Course cover?
The fair fighting rules that keep disagreements respectful and productive, including sticking to one topic at a time, using 'I' statements, and focusing on solving the problem rather than attacking each other, with reflection on a recent argument.
Who is this Fair Fighting Rules Mini Course for?
Helpful if you:
🔥 Find arguments escalate quickly
🔁 Keep having the same fight
🤝 Want disagreements to bring you closer rather than push you apart
For therapists:
Assign Fair Fighting Rules in couples or relationship work, ideally for both partners. Their reflections on which rules were missed in a recent argument give concrete material for communication skills practice in session. Fully HIPAA and GDPR compliant.
Dr Harriet Mellotte
Clinical Psychologist & CBT Therapist, BABCP
“Offload is a fantastic resource for both clients and therapists. The world of CBT has been lacking an app which enables the sharing of CBT worksheets and homework tasks between clients and therapists, but Offload completely does this, making the service we offer more professional and the benefits to clients greater.”
Frequently asked questions
What are fair fighting rules?
Simple agreements that keep disagreements respectful and productive: stick to one topic at a time, use I statements, no name-calling or bringing up the past, take a break if things get too heated, and focus on solving the problem rather than winning. Couples who follow them argue less destructively and recover faster.
Is it bad to argue in a relationship?
No. Disagreement is normal in every relationship, and couples who never argue are often avoiding issues rather than resolving them. What predicts relationship health is how you argue. Fair fighting rules turn conflict into something that can strengthen a relationship instead of eroding it.
What if my partner will not follow the rules?
Start with yourself. Following the rules on your side lowers the temperature and often draws the other person in over time. It also helps to agree the rules together in a calm moment rather than mid-argument. If conflict remains destructive, couples therapy can help establish them safely.
Can my therapist assign this course?
Yes. Therapists on Offload can assign Fair Fighting Rules in couples or relationship work, ideally to both partners, and use your reflections on a recent argument for communication skills practice in session. Your responses are available for them to review beforehand. Fully HIPAA and GDPR compliant.
Are you a therapist?
Assign this therapy tool and 200+ other interactive tools directly to your clients. Build personalised care plans, customise tools, and review client responses before sessions. HIPAA and GDPR compliant.
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