How Would You Treat a Friend: a self-compassion exercise for your inner critic
Reviewed By
Donna Bottomley - Psychotherapist, MBABCP accredited, 10+ years in CBT and EMDR
We tend to be much harder on ourselves than we are with the people we care about. It can be easy to be harsh on ourselves or to think we’re not “good enough”. However, when a friend or anyone we care about comes to us with a problem, we tend to be much more optimistic and supportive. The aim is to take the compassion we show other people and direct it towards ourselves.
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What does the How Would You Treat A Friend Journal cover?
- A situation where you are being hard on yourself
- What you would say to a friend in the same position
- How that differs from what you are telling yourself
- A kinder, more balanced way to respond
Who is this How Would You Treat A Friend Journal for?
Helpful if you:
🪞 Speak to yourself more harshly than to others
😔 Feel not good enough
💛 Want to build self-compassion
For therapists:
Assign this exercise to clients working on self-criticism, shame or low self-esteem. Review their responses before the next session to build on the self-compassionate voice. Fully HIPAA and GDPR compliant.
Dr Harriet Mellotte
Clinical Psychologist & CBT Therapist, BABCP
“Offload is a fantastic resource for both clients and therapists. The world of CBT has been lacking an app which enables the sharing of CBT worksheets and homework tasks between clients and therapists, but Offload completely does this, making the service we offer more professional and the benefits to clients greater.”
Frequently asked questions
What is the idea behind this exercise?
Most of us speak to ourselves far more harshly than we would ever speak to someone we care about. This exercise asks you to notice that gap: you describe how you would respond to a friend in your situation, then compare it with how you are treating yourself, and practise closing the difference.
Is self-compassion just letting myself off the hook?
No. Research on self-compassion shows the opposite: people who treat themselves with understanding after setbacks tend to take more responsibility and persist longer, because they are not paralysed by shame. Kindness and accountability work together rather than against each other.
When is this exercise most useful?
It helps most when your inner critic is loud: after a mistake, a rejection, or when you are comparing yourself to others. It is often used alongside CBT tools, and many therapists set it as homework for clients working on self-esteem or perfectionism.
How long does it take?
Around five to ten minutes. The exercise is guided with prompts, so you are never staring at a blank page. Repeating it whenever self-criticism spikes is more valuable than doing it once.
Are you a therapist?
Assign this therapy tool and 200+ other interactive tools directly to your clients. Build personalised care plans, customise tools, and review client responses before sessions. HIPAA and GDPR compliant.
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