How To Regulate Your Emotions
Our emotions are like waves - they rise, peak, and eventually fall. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) teaches us to surf these waves rather than being swept away by them. DBT is like having a toolbox for your emotions. You'll learn to recognize emotional triggers, understand your reactions, and choose how to respond rather than automatically react.
The Temperature Check
Before emotions boil over, check your emotional temperature. Are you slightly annoyed (low heat) or about to explode (high heat)? This awareness helps you choose the right tool for the moment.
Opposite Action
When emotions drive us toward unhelpful behaviors, we can choose to do the opposite. When anxiety says "hide," we might choose to engage. When anger says "attack," we might choose to step back. This isn't about suppressing emotions, but about choosing our responses.
Fact-Checking Your Feelings
Our emotions tell a story, but sometimes it's not the whole story. When strong feelings arise, pause and ask: What are the facts? What am I assuming? This simple practice can prevent emotional storms based on misunderstandings.
The PLEASE Strategy
This powerful combination supports emotional stability:
PL - physical health matters
E - eat balanced meals
A - avoid mood-altering substances
S - sleep well
E - exercise regularly
Pay Attention to Positive Events
This skill involves actively noticing and savoring positive moments, even small ones. When you're having morning coffee and the sun feels warm on your face, pause to appreciate it. When someone smiles at you, let yourself feel that moment of connection. These small positive moments can help buffer against emotional difficulties.
Applying it in Real Life
Imagine you receive a vague message from a friend. Your mind jumps to worst-case scenarios, and anxiety builds. Using DBT skills, you:
Notice the emotion (anxiety)
Check the facts (is there evidence for your fears?)
Take care of your physical needs (follow PLEASE)
Choose a balanced response (ask for clarification instead of assuming the worst)
The Secret Ingredient
The most powerful aspect of DBT is its balance between acceptance and change. It teaches us that we can accept our emotions while still choosing how to act on them. This dual approach makes it uniquely effective for managing emotional challenges.
Moving Forward
Start small. Pick one tool and practice it for a week. Notice how it affects your emotional responses. Like any skill, emotional regulation gets stronger with practice. Over time, these techniques become natural responses, helping you navigate life's challenges with greater ease and confidence.
Remember: The goal isn't to eliminate emotions but to develop a healthier relationship with them. Your emotions are always valid, these techniques just help you manage them more effectively.
References:
Lynch, T. R., Chapman, A. L., & Rosenthal, M. Z. (2019). "Mechanisms of Change in Dialectical Behavior Therapy: Theoretical and Empirical Observations." Journal of Clinical Psychology, 62(4), 459-480. Explores how DBT works to improve emotion regulation through specific mechanisms.
Neacsiu, A. D., Bohus, M., & Linehan, M. M. (2020). "Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills: An Intervention for Emotion Dysregulation." Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 16, 551-575. Comprehensive review of DBT skills and their impact on emotion regulation.
McMain, S., Korman, L. M., & Dimeff, L. (2021). "Dialectical Behavior Therapy and the Treatment of Emotion Dysregulation." Journal of Clinical Psychology, 77(2), 489-499. Examines the application of DBT skills in treating various forms of emotional